I don't ever remember being so nervous and scared in my life of going to a doctor's appointment before. I was literally cold, clammy, and just scared stiff. I just didn't know what to expect. I mean, I knew we were going to have to talk about my health and history and all that other important stuff doctors are suppose to collect from you, but I think I was just really terrified to see what was on the other end of that ultrasound. Here I was, freaked out about the unknown, careful not to tell anyone that I was pregnant, pissed off that Elbert had told all of his friends already, and just worried sick that what was in my tummy was absolutely nothing... (And no, douchebags- it wasn't my pregnancy hormones making me crazy!) I was supposedly 7 weeks pregnant by this point, but I had no actual proof, besides the fact that I hadn't had my period, I was totally and utterly exhausted all the time, and I wanted to stuff my face with In n Out burgers constantly. Oh yea, and my boobs were getting bigger and hurt like hell. But other than that, no solid proof that I was carrying another human being in my crazy little body of mine...
I think I was almost hyper-ventilating the whole way (the whole 2 miles) to the doctor's office. Elbert was giddy as ever and I was just a complete mess. This was it! This is when we find out what thing has invaded my body and what has been stealing all my energy and food!
So we got to the doctors office, got through all the informative stuff, got through all of our "Hi, I'm a first time parent, and yes, I am an idiot" questions, got all of our answers, and then finally... The moment we've been waiting for... The pants came off, an invasive probe went up my hoo-ha (no relation to the Ha family) and next thing you know, some fuzzy looking picture was up on this little monitor... The picture was in black and white... There was clearly this circular black thing, which was explained to me as the amniotic sac. This is where the fetus lives and is protected from its outside environment. And right inside this amniotic sac was this tiny blob. And right inside this tiny blob was this thing that was intensely fluttering... This blob turned out to be my fetus, and that fluttering thing was its freaking heart, beating like the wings of a hummingbird. The minute the doctor pointed out the heartbeat and let us know that our blob looked healthy, I cried... I think like 3 tear drops came rolling off my cheek. Elbert was still giddy as ever and was as happy and excited as a Mouseketeer doing jazz hands.
The minute I saw that thing alive, heart beating and all, was the minute all of my paranoidal worries were lifted from my shoulders. I could breathe easy again, and it seriously felt like I could smile again. The past month had been so intense for me, that I really didn't think I smiled too much (too busy yelling at Elbert), being worried that what I thought was my baby would be absolutely nothing. And although I felt this big weight had been lifted from me, I still had another 5 - 6 weeks before I got to my 2nd trimester... I still was not comfortable telling anyone that I was pregnant... I wanted to be for sure for sure that this baby was here to stay.
Below are the baby's very first mugshots. Not much to see, except for a blobby looking thing. If you click on the pictures, they'll enlarge a wee bit, and I've noted where the head and the butt are. Tee-hee, thats also a picture of the inside of my uterus. How embarrassing! :)
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